Anti-Mosquito Patches Work! | GolfGearReview.com

Anti-Mosquito Patches Work!
Andrew Penner

If you’re like most golfers who live in mosquito-breeding land, then your idea of a perfect day would be running to the nearest army base, hopping into a B-52 Bomber, and dropping enough napalm on every one of those blood-sucking bugs’ breeding areas so as to completely smite them from the earth. Problem is, most army-type guys aren’t into you – a plain-clothes wearin’ redneck - just borrowing their equipment for a little while.

Ever since early American pioneers started beatin’ balls around the pasture, the mosquito has been a complete, utter, and total nuisance. Standing over a four-footer that you really need to make becomes nearly impossible when fifty mosquitoes simultaneously start taking pieces out of you. Enter a new product (that you don’t have to borrow from a military base) that can effectively thwart off the stupid varmints. It’s called the Anti-Mosquito Patch and it’s so simple to use any shotgun-toting redneck should be able to follow the directions – and perhaps stay out of jail in the process.

The Anti-Mosquito Patch is a self-sticking patch saturated with citronella oil. You simply tear off a patch, scratch the surface with a coin or your tobacco-stained fingernails, and stick it onto your sleeve, pant leg, cap, buttocks, or whatever part of your body is most vulnerable to mosquito bites.

I tried the Anti-Mosquito Patch last week on a course famous for its helicopter-like mosquitoes (this course was once closed because of a mosquito infestation) and was pleasantly surprised at its effectiveness. On a course where I usually come back pale, severely blood-sucked, and dotted with big, puffy red hives, I managed to remain relatively intact (a couple of the buggers still got me). Anti-Mosquito Patches are made by a variety of companies and are easy to use. You can pick them up in most drug stores and some golf shops.

Andrew Penner is a 12-year member of the Canadian PGA. He has won five professional golf tournaments in Canada and narrowly, I mean narrowly, missed qualifying for the US Open last year. Well, OK, it was a few shots. Andrew writes for a number of golf magazines in Canada, the US, and Europe. His new book, titled "One Flew Over The Caddyshack," can be ordered at www.falconpress.ca. He can be reached at andpenner@shaw.ca.