A man, while playing golf on the front nine of a complicated golf course, became confused as where he was on the course.  Looking around, he saw a lady playing ahead of him.  He walked up to her, explained his confusion and asked her if she knew what hole he was playing.  "I'm playing on the 7th hole" she replied "and you are a hole behind me.  So you must be on the 6th hole."  He thanked her and went back to his golf.

On the back nine, the same thing happened and he approached her again with the same request.  "I'm on number 14, and you're still one hole behind, so you must be on the 13th hole."  Once again he thanked her and returned to his play.

He finished his round and went to the clubhouse where he saw the same lady sitting at the end of the bar.  He asked the bartender if he knew the lady.  The bartender said that she was a sales lady and played the course often.  He approached her and said, "Let me buy you a drink in appreciation for your help.  I understand that you're in the sales profession.  I'm in sales also.  What do you sell?"  "I'll tell you, but you're going to laugh," she replied.  "No , I won't" he said.

"Well, if you must know," she answered, "I work for Tampax."  With that, he laughed so hard he almost fell off the bar stool.  "See," she said, "I knew you'd laugh!"  "That's not what I'm laughing at," he said, "I'm a salesman for Preparation H, so I'm still one hole behind you."

2 duffers were standing at the first tee , agreeing to play the ball as it lay for the round.
The first golfer hit a beautiful tee shot 250 yards down the middle of the fairway. The second golfer was not so lucky, shanking his shot dead right with the ball coming to rest dead center on the cartpath.
"I get free relief from the cartpath", the second golfer said.
"Like hell you do," said the first golfer, "We're playing it as it lies, remember?"
So they hop in the cart, and the second golfer drops the first in the middle of th fairway at his ball. Then he heads over to the cartpath to hit his shot.
The first golfer, looking back, begins to laugh to himself as he sees the first golfer making a nice amount of sparks on the concrete as he took his practice swing. Then with another array of sparks, the first golfer nails his shot straight at the green. Th ball lands softly and stops three feet from the pin. Then he casually gets in the cart and drives back to the first golfer.
"Great shot", says the first golfer. "What club did you use?"
The second golfer smiles and says, "Your six iron".

A nun is sitting with her Mother Superior chatting. "I used some horrible language this week and feel absolutely terrible about it."

"When did you use this awful language?" asks the elder.

"Well, I was golfing and hit an incredible drive that looked like it was going to go over 280 yards, but it struck a phone line that is hanging over the fairway and fell straight down to the ground after going only about 100 yards."

"Is that when you swore?"

"No, Mother," says the nun. "After that, a squirrel ran out of the bushes and grabbed my ball in its mouth and began to run away."

"Is THAT when you swore?" asks the Mother Superior again.

"Well, no." says the nun. "You see, as the squirrel was running, an eagle came down out of the sky, grabbed the squirrel in his talons and began to fly away!"

"Is THAT when you swore?" asks the amazed elder nun.

"No, not yet. As the eagle carried the squirrel away in its claws, it flew near the green and the squirrel dropped my ball."

"Did you swear THEN?" asked Mother Superior, becoming impatient.

"No, because the ball fell on a big rock, bounced over the sand trap, rolled onto the green, and stopped about six inches from the hole."

The two nuns were silent for a moment.

Then Mother Superior buried her face in her hands and said, "YOU MISSED THE F**KING PUTT, DIDN'T YOU?"