FUNNY: 86 yr old lady's letter to bank


Shown below, is an actual letter that was sent to a bank by an 86 year old woman.
The bank manager thought it amusing enough to have it published in the New York Times.


Dear Sir:

I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check with
which I endeavored to pay my plumber last month..
By my calculations, three nanoseconds must have elapsed
between his presenting the check and the arrival in my
account of the funds needed to honor it.
I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of
my entire pension, an arrangement which, I admit, has been
in place for only eight years. You are to be commended for
seizing that brief window of opportunity, and also for
debiting my account $30 by way of penalty for the
inconvenience caused to your bank. My thankfulness springs
from the manner in which this incident has caused me to
rethink my errant financial ways.

I noticed that whereas I personally answer your telephone
calls and letters, --- when I try to contact you, I am
confronted by the impersonal, overcharging, pre-recorded,
faceless entity which your bank has become.

From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with
a
flesh-and-blood person. My mortgage and loan
repayments
will
therefore and hereafter no longer be automatic, but will
arrive at your bank, by check, addressed personally and
confidentially to an employee at
your bank whom you must
nominate. Be aware that it is an offense under the Postal
Act for any other person to open such an envelope. Please
find attached an Application Contact which I require your
chosen employee to complete. I am sorry it runs to eight
pages, but in order that I know as much about him or her as
your bank knows about me, there is no
alternative. Please note that all copies of his or her
medical history must be countersigned by a Notary
Public,
and the mandatory details of his/her financial situation
(income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be accompanied
by documented proof. In due course, at MY convenience, I
will issue your employee with a PIN number which he/she must
quote in dealings with me.
I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but,
again, I have modeled it on the number of button
presses
required of me to
access my account balance on your phone
bank service. As they say, imitation is the sincerest form
of flattery.



Let me level the playing field even further. When you
call me, press buttons as follows:
IMMEDIATELY AFTER DIALING , PRESS THE STAR (*) BUTTON FOR ENGLISH
#1. To make an appointment to see me
#2. To query a missing payment.
#3. To transfer the
call to my living room in case I am there.
#4. To transfer the call to my bed room in case I am sleeping
#5. To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature.
#6. To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home
#7. To leave a message on my computer, a password to access my computer is
required. Password will be communicated to you at a later date to that Authorized Contact mentioned earlier.
#8. To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through 7.
#9. To make a general complaint or inquiry. The contact will then be put on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering
service.
#10. This is a second reminder to press* for English. While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music will play for the duration of the call..

Regrettably, but again following your example, I must
also levy an establishment fee to cover the setting up of
this new arrangement. May I wish you a happy, if ever so
slightly less prosperous, New Year?


Your Humble Client


(Remember: This was written by an 86 year old woman)
'YA JUST GOTTA LOVE '
US SENIORS!!!!!
And
remember: Don't make old ladies mad. They don't like being old in the first place, so it
doesn't take much to set them off.

I wonder if that could have been my mom? Sounds like something she might do.